It seems that somebody got a hold of an unaired episode of Firefly, "Trash." They posted it to alt.binaries.multimedia.firefly. It looks like it's a rough cut, the special effects are almost non-existent but the whole cast is there and hey, any oasis in a time of drought, right?
So without further ado....
"Yep, that went well." -- Malcolm Reynolds
The episode opens with something for the ladies -- Malcolm Reynolds naked. Apparently he's been left in the middle a vast desert with no ship, no help, and no clothes.
Flashback seventy-two hours. Mal meets up with an old war buddy Monty who has a surprise for him. He's married now, and Mal knows her. Saffron (from "Our Mrs. Reynolds") is back and she's calling herself Bridget these days. They pull their guns on each other. They fight as a confused Monty struggles to separate them. Mal tells Monty about her attempt to kill him and steal his ship. Saffron slips up and calls Malcolm by his name -- Monty realizes that he never told her his friend's name and leaves her on the spot. Mal pulls his gun on her and she tries to seduce him. Mal won't have any of that. After begging fails to work, Saffron tries greed. She has an idea for a job that will make them all rich.
Mal returns to Serenity where Inara is upset. She believes that Mal has been deliberately avoiding ports of call where she might be able to find clients. Mal claims that he is merely trying to avoid The Alliance. She points out that the best job he ever pulled was on a central planet and reminds him that the last cargo he smuggled past The Alliance consisted of a shipment of geisha bobblehead dolls.
The conversation moves Mal to pull Saffron out of the storage bin she is hiding in. The objective is to steal "The Lassiter", the first laser pistol ever made. It's owned by a collector named Durin Haymer. Saffron claims that he made his money during the war as a bioweapons expert by targeting civilian areas with valuables and stealing the goods -- which would remain undamaged by his bioweapons -- after all the people were dead. She has his schedule, the layout of his estate and its security codes. Wash is appalled by the thought of working with her -- not to mention unable to fathom how she could sneak on to the ship. Jayne wonders why she can't steal The Lassiter herself. It's "tagged and coded" -- she claims to need partners in order to get out with it. Inara makes her contempt for Saffron clear and storms off. Zoe takes moment to get over her distrust of Saffron by punching her out.
"As a rule, I say girlfolk ain't to be trusted." "Jayne is a girl's name." -- Jayne and River
Jayne tells Simon and River to stay clear of Saffron. After he leaves River tells Simon that Jayne has afraid they'll "know" since "Ariel" -- referring to his attempt to sell them out to The Alliance on the planet -- and episode -- of that name.
The job is on Bellerophon, a relatively prosperous world. As Saffron spies on them, Inara tells Zoe that she is going to meet some clients and tells her to be careful.
"Bellerophon Estates home to the rich and paranoid." -- Wash
Bellerophon Estates consists of a series of "islands" that float in the sky just above the ocean. Mal and Saffron sneak in as helpers for a party that Haymer is throwing. Kaylee and Wash plan their end of the job which consists of retrieving The Lassiter from Bellerophon Estates' automated garbage system. The idea is to reprogram a garbage bin to instruct the complex's garbage drones to drop it in the "loneliest piece of desert" they can find making it easy for them to find their booty. This involves Serenity flying dangerously close to the garbage bins of these flying islands.
"I appreciate your honesty. Not, you know, a lot." -- Durin Haymer
Meanwhile Mal and Saffron sneak into Haymer's home easily where The Lassiter is mounted on a pedestal in the swanky living room. Mal works on disabling the security system that is built into the pedestal. Jayne, while working outside Serenity near the garbage bin is electrocuted and nearly falls to his death. Haymer walks in and is grateful to see his wife, Yolanda. He offers Mal a reward for returning her to him. She regales him with a tale of being kidnapped by slavers while he sheepishly confesses that he sometimes wondered if she hadn't run off with Heinrich, his handsome young security expert. But he reiterates that he never stopped hoping to see her again. As he runs off to get Mal's reward money, Mal and Saffron continue to try to free The Lassiter from its pedestal. Mal begins doubting her story of the ruthless During Haymer. He also suggests that out of all the men she's married, that Haymer is Saffron's "real" husband -- the one she actually cares about. Haymer walks and finds them, Mal with The Lassiter in his hands and Saffron with a gun pointed at Mal. As Haymer and Saffron argue, Mal drops the laser gun into the garbage chute.
Kaylee struggles to drop a circuit board into the garbage bin which will reprogram it and is nearly decapitated by a garbage drone.
"I hate to bring up our imminent arrest during your *crazy time* but we've got to go." -- Malcolm Reynolds
Saffron is ready to kill Haymer until Mal interferes by pulling a gun on her. Haymer is saddened by "Yolanda's" behavior and still loves her but reveals that he never believed her story. He had hit a "panic button" on his ring from the moment he saw her and the Feds are now heading for his home. Their vehicles bear a remarkable resemblance to F15s but land vertically. The Feds are able to override the buildings locks easily. As she and Mal run out of the building, Saffron is able to override the Feds' override, locking them inside. Some of them anyway. Mal and Saffron still have to go hand to hand with a handful of them before reaching the shuttle.
"I've seen you without your clothes on before. Never thought I'd see you naked." -- Malcolm Reynolds
Mal is impressed by Saffron's ability to resist the temptation to rob Haymer before now. She admits that he was special but insists that she should have killed him. She begins to cry slightly. He cheers her up by reminding her of all the money she's just made. Saffron asks him to promise not to tell anyone about her crying and promises to never tell anyone how easily she managed to steal his gun. She calls him "the most gullible fool I ever marked," makes him strip naked, and dumps him in the desert. But Mal is still confident that she'll never catch his crew with their trousers down. Back on Serenity, Kaylee discovers that Saffron has booby-trapped their ship and have to land for repairs.
Saffron reaches the garbage bin and finds herself digging through the filth, unable to find the gun. Inara shows up with it in her hand --and another gun which still works. She tells Saffron that they've been playing her from the second they took her out of the crate and locks her in the garbage bin.
In Serenity's infirmary, Simon gives Jayne the news. He's been paralyzed -- Simon gave him drugs to disable his motor functions to prevent him from wrenching his injured spine. He also asks him how much the Feds offered Jayne to sell him and River out on Ariel. River peeks in through the infirmary door. Simon tell him that he's in dangerous line of work and sooner or later he will wind up on his operating table again. But he vows to never hurt him because he is part of his crew. He doesn't care what he's done or what he's planning to do. Simon plans on trusting Jayne and suggests that he reciprocate. After Simon leaves, River tells Jayne that she can kill him with her brain.
"Yep, that went well." -- Malcolm Reynolds
This brings us back to the beginning. Inara shows up and Mal is characteristically cocky. Inara points out that she was only a fail safe in case, Saffron managed to disable Serenity and left Mal to die. Mal insists that she was integral part of his plan and strides confidently -- and nakedly -- back to his ship without an ounce of self-consciousness.
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